Emotional intelligence is trending, but emotional availability isn’t: Who’s actually there for you?

Okay, let’s talk about the weirdest vibe happening in our DMs, group chats, and honestly, everywhere online: everyone is so woke on emotional intelligence but apparently allergic to actual emotional availability. Like, we’ve got people who can quote Brene Brown on vulnerability, do journaling aesthetics for Instagram, and know the difference between empathy and sympathy, but when it comes to actually being there? Ghosted. Seen. Mute.



Welcome to the paradox of 2026: we live in a world obsessed with talking about feelings but allergic to feeling with someone. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the flex now. People can articulate their trauma, set boundaries, and even lecture on attachment styles while sipping oat milk lattes, but emotional availability? That’s apparently a mythic concept, like Bigfoot but sadder.

This isn’t just a dating thing, though, yes, dating apps have turned "I’m highly emotionally intelligent" into a digital humblebrag. It’s in friendships, too. Gen Z is socialized to perform introspection on socials: posting about mental health check-ins, TikTok trends about toxic attachment, and aesthetic mood boards about self-love. But then, when you slide into someone’s life for real, for actual emotional labor, suddenly everyone’s “busy” or “I can’t right now.” The irony? Emotional intelligence is often performative. The heart behind the brain? MIA.



Why? Honestly, maybe it’s trauma-adjacent. Maybe it’s burnout culture, where caring too much is branded as “extra.” Or maybe it’s just that Gen Z grew up watching adults mismanage feelings, and now we’re super cautious about opening the vault. We know the words, we know the theories, we know the playlists and affirmations, but emotional availability demands risk, vulnerability, and effort. And let’s be real, that’s hard when ghosting is easier than check-ins, and replying with “I feel you” is easier than actually feeling someone.



So what’s the mood here? We’re basically living in a paradox: a generation that champions emotional intelligence but suffers from collective emotional alopecia. It’s all analytics, no empathy. All texts, no hugs. All thought, no touch. It’s like everyone’s wearing a mask of mindfulness, but underneath? We’re scared, tired, and unpracticed in the messy, beautiful work of showing up.

The real tea? Emotional intelligence is useless without emotional availability. You can’t flex mindfulness and empathy if you vanish when someone needs you. Gen Z is learning that the next level isn’t just reading the books or posting about feelings, it’s showing up. Being messy. Being present. Being real. And maybe, just maybe, that’s how we can survive this era of performative self-awareness without becoming emotional zombies.